Is this too Good to be True? What to do when Fear steals your Joy
Are you afraid to feel joy because of how you’re doubtful and scared that it may be gone? Learn about what Foreboding Joy is and how you can let go of it.
What is Foreboding Joy?
Joy can be a complex emotion. On the one hand, it can elicit great pleasure and make your heart swell with warmth. But for many people, joy can also bring up feelings of fear—fear that joy will be taken away.
This is referred to as foreboding joy—a term coined by author and researcher, Brené Brown. It’s when joy is quickly followed by thoughts of worry and dread, an inner dialogue of “but what if this happens,” or a sense that something bad will occur to counteract the happiness you feel.
Brown indicates that foreboding joy is often a subconscious way that people protect themselves. A person might subconsciously think that the best way to prepare for the shock and devastation of difficult life experiences is to assume they’re coming.
How Does Foreboding Joy Show Up?
Foreboding joy can pop up in any situation, but it’s most common during significant milestones or life changes, such as getting a promotion, moving, getting pregnant, entering a relationship, and getting married. Here are a few examples:
Joyful moment: You just received a promotion at your job.
Foreboding thought: What if I can’t live up to these new expectations and lose my job?
Joyful moment: You have a great first date with someone.
Foreboding thought: They’ll probably meet someone they like better.
Joyful moment: It’s an average day and you realize that work is going well, your relationship with your partner is solid, and your child is excelling.
Foreboding thought: Something bad is bound to happen soon
How to Release Foreboding Joy
Foreboding joy not only takes away from happy times in your life, but can also cause anxiety and worry that affects your daily life and well-being. The good news is that you can learn to fully experience and embrace joy without the hovering threat of it being taken away. Here are some strategies to do exactly that.
1. Being Present with Joy
The more you embrace and learn to sit with joy, the more you’ll develop your joy muscle and ability to be fully present with this emotion.
Practice tuning into everyday joyful moments, from eating a delicious breakfast to getting a funny text from a good friend to receiving a hug from your partner. The more you can be present in these small moments, the more you’ll be able to fully embrace joy in bigger moments.
Knowing when you’re experiencing foreboding joy can help you stop thoughts of worry in their tracks. Recognize when your mind starts catastrophizing and immediately shift your focus to the present moment. When you notice foreboding thoughts in these moments, learn to watch them pass, instead of being hooked onto them. Tell yourself that these thoughts would pass, and they do not have to define who you are, or what the moment means. The more you do this, the more you’ll break the habit of going down negative thought rabbit holes.
2. Practice Gratitude
According to Brené Brown, one of the most powerful ways to combat foreboding joy is to practice gratitude. Each morning and/or night, take five minutes to write down things you’re grateful for.
This simple practice can help train your mind to acknowledge and celebrate the positive things in your life, rather than focusing on the bad.
3. Cultivate Courage to Let Go
Although you feel vulnerable and fearful, give yourself permission to be fully embodied by happiness even with the awareness that it might be fleeting. There is a quote that says, “Courage is not the absence of fear but it is the ability to act in spite of it”. Hard things in life happen and living in foreboding joy will not change how much they may still hurt when they do occur. Let go of trying to control what you can’t and embrace all that life has to offer, including the painful moments.
4. Be your own Friend
Many of us know how to be a kind and supportive friend to others, but we may struggle with doing that for ourselves. Treat yourself like how you would treat a close friend, with non-judgement and care. If this is too difficult, think of a person in your life that has been your support, and imagine what they might say to support and celebrate your successes with you. They can also be your internal resource as you imagine their comforting presence in your life.
4. Seek Counselling
If you feel you need some support to let go of foreboding joy, consider talking with a therapist. Therapy can help you understand why you might be experiencing foreboding joy, how to recognize it effectively, and how to intentionally free yourself from its grip.
If you’re interested in professional support, Resting Tree Counselling is happy to help. Feel free to schedule a free consultation or email us at info@restingtree.ca with any questions. We’d be honored to support you as you work to fully step into and savor the joyful moments in your life.